INTERVIEW
Alice Gee | 12/07/2024
Sat in an armchair following his digital cover photoshoot, Alec Benjamin is surprisingly full of energy following a whirl wind of travel and time zones. For the next 8 hours we have Alec all to ourselves on shoot, live in discussion and of course an evening of music, all for his fans. Following on from our cover interview with Alec two years prior, it’s exciting to catch up about the twists of turns of life, only this time with a new album in tow.
A: What’s been the biggest difference in terms of your mind frame when writing this album?
AB: I was pretty depressed. Last year, I was going through a lot personally. So it wasn’t easy for me to write music, at the time I had to really force myself to write. I didn't want to go to the studio, but I'm happy that I made it. I knew that I needed to make a record. But it was a really tough process for me. Looking back on it I'm happy that I did it, but it was definitely really hard for me do what I needed to do. I think it was mostly internal struggles that I’m not yet at the place of being fully ready to talk about. I was just not in a great place , but I feel much better now. So, making the album was part of the healing process.
A: So much of your music is so vulnerable and open. I can imagine it’s like looking in a mirror afterwards and you’re processing everything you felt at the time. Going on tour, do you find performing those vulnerable moments more comfortable now?
AB: I'm making music so that I can connect with people. I really like connecting with people one on one. Social media is nice and it's a great way to reach people but it's not the final destination for me. The end of the feedback loop is getting to be onstage and finding out which of the songs are the one. There's a song on the album called ‘Pick me’ which we played live for the first time two days ago in Poland and it was turned out to be the best song in the set, which is not what I expected because it's a new song and it's more acoustic.
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A: I think the acoustic songs can be quite intimate. Because you haven't got any of the production to hide behind.
AB: When I listen to the songs, I tune my voice and the lyrics out, and I'm actually listening to the parts of the song that I don't make, for example the beat. I'm listening to the things that other people worked on. What I'm listening for in the song is completely different from what other people are listening for. I feel most people who listen to me are listening to me about what I have to say, but I'm not necessarily the best judge of what is going to resonate most with my audience.
A: I think it’s incredibly to scrutinize every second of it when it’s your work, but maybe that’s because I’m a perfectionist.
AB: I think that I used to really obsess over whether it was perfect? Is it right? But I’ve learned to need to move on, and I'm feeling much better things because of it. I'm hoping that living a healthy lifestyle is also conducive to helping me have a more successful career. Sometimes I attribute some of my less healthy habits to my success and it scares me that letting those go might ultimately hurt my career. But I have no choice but to abandon some of those tendencies, because it's not possible to live a sustainable lifestyle with some of those habits that I developed.
A: If something is benefitting your life or aiding the process, although it's terrifying to let it go, changing it can only lead to better thing,
AB: I lost a lot of sleep over doing social media and promoting certain things. I developed a lot of really unhealthy habits. I thought they were serving my career and I attributed some of the things that went well in my career to those things. I think it did, at the end of the day, though, hurt my songwriting process. The last year, I realised I needed to let go of those bad habits and turn a corner. It was a really painful process. I’m still figuring out what the right path forward is.
A: I think it's good you're putting things in place, especially on social media, because it's very quick and easy for someone to put a comment and it be the only one you remember.
AB: It’s definitely had an impact but I try to remember I can't control that. Artists have to be so involved in the actual promotion of the music itself. Often you're responsible for catalysing a viral moment/ I've done it before, with my song The Devil Doesn't Bargain. I spent so many sleepless nights thinking about the comments, posting this and doing that. When I put out the song, I Sent My Therapist To Therapy, I was so close to getting it to go viral. I was living such an unhealthy lifestyle. I wasn't eating at the right times. I have to find a healthier way to do that. And maybe it means that I still have to engage on TikTok and get my sound to go viral, but I can't do it the way that I was doing it before. Now I wake up at a certain hour and I go to the gym, even though I hate it, and I'm trying to eat better.
I’m trying to find some balance in my life. But at the same time I'm just trying to figure out for the record, what do people like? When I put out my last record, I didn't even know that people were gonna like it. But when I started touring, I saw how much people loved it. I've kind of accepted it won’t always blow up, but I know the only people I can rely on are the people that listen to my music.
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A: We are consuming things at such a rate online now it must be hard at times to feel like you’re keeping up and the pressure involved?
AB: I put that pressure on myself anyway. You’re never hoping for your second best song, you know? But I think different songs serve different purposes and are all important for different reasons. I think I was lucky to have so many that did really well. Sometimes it scares me that it's not going to happen again.
A: I think that's really human. Especially when you've experienced so many highs and amazing responses. But I’ve seen how your UK fanbase reacted to your Kentish Town Forum show.
AB: That show was so cool. But for some reason to me, I still feel like it's all going to disappear tomorrow. For a long while I had an existential dread. I was almost afraid to enjoy it in case it was the last moment. So I made a decision and I’ve been dedicating a little bit less time to trying to control everything.
A: I think vulnerability is such a gift for people to receive and you do it so beautifully. What’s something that your fans have told you about your music that has been really touching to you?
AB: If there is something that's really touching to me, I think just the simple fact that there are people out there that actually listen to my music. The fact people listen to my songs, who aren’t just my family or friends, is amazing. I listen to artists that even though I don’t know personally, I feel I relate to them. The fact that fans feel that way about me is pretty cool. It makes me feel like what I'm doing is worthwhile. I won’t lie, I have impostor syndrome most of the time. But it's touching that people would invest any of their hard earned money or time in art the I've produced.
A: What are you looking forward to over the next few months?
AB: I’m really looking forward to tour, being present, and getting to meet people who listen to my music because I love that part. That's the most fun part for me. Getting to sing songs with people. That’s why I got into this, and it reminds me of that. I was talking to my therapist the other day, and I told him all the things I was worried about. He was telling me about a bike ride and how you exert all this energy to get to the top, and the best part should be the ride back down. But that's only about 15% of the ride. He said if you don't let go of those worries, you're not going to enjoy the ride down. For me the ride down is the next five weeks of tour. I want to enjoy the next five weeks. Then when I’m back to the US I’m excited to announce a European tour soon, that would be cool. A lot to look forward to.
Alec's new album 12 Notes Out Now!
Words Alice Gee
Photography Alex Gray
Styling Natalie Ruvimbo
MUA & Hair Styling Tanya Wadhawan